6. INT. COUNTRY SHACK - NIGHT

A sleepy hick sits spread-legged in his easy chair. He is groggily watching a wrestling match on a UHF channel. Several empty bottles of beer adorn his general area.

THE TV shows a typical, overblown wrestling match.

The room is left in darkness for a moment.

CUT TO:

7. INT. SPACESHIP

The hot dog-in-bun spaceship (which resembles a beat-up station wagon) ambles awkwardly toward the planet's surface. Suddenly, all sorts of WARNING LIGHTS FLASH and ALARMS SOUND inside the spaceship.

INT. SPACESHIP

We follow the ship as it heats up and plummets (SPFX) toward the troposphere. We see the clouds swirling over North America. We head toward the northeast. Pennsylvania is below us.

We see fear now etched on the alien faces. They watch a GIANT MONITOR SCREEN which shows the ground drawing near.

CUT TO:

9. EXT. NUDIST COLONY - NIGHT

As a beach full of moon-bathing nudists relax, they see a comet-like streak of titian brightness appear amidst the stars and rocket ever-closer to their exact location (SPFX).

Our model nude couple, Janis and Joel, are getting intimate...

10. INT. AHAB BOOKER HOUSE - NIGHT

A similar scene between Ahab and Ingrid is about to take place... except it?n their bedroom, and Ahab sits in front of a vanity mirror, intently waxing his beard. Ingrid sits sewing beside a window. She sees the bright streak in the sky.

They are screams of both pleasure and pain...

CUT TO:

11. INT. MAD BRENDA'S WORKSHOP - NIGHT

Brenda is punishing her husband/slave Harvey with pliers and tweezers. His nipples are bare and raw. He SCREAMS.

A KABOOM

Harvey SCREAMS pathetically, yet playfully...like Beavis.

CUT TO:

12. EXT. NUDIST COLONY - NIGHT

The ship is in the tail stages of crash landing. SPFX a Men-In-Black-type master scene of a giant nose dive into an agape crowd.

When it comes to rest, a NOXIOUS GAS is released from the torn hull of the alien freighter. The GAS has a personality to it, like when they opened the Ark at the end of ?ders...??nd all the spirits swirled around everyone?ead.

The bodies shake--as if charged by electricity--and become lifeless...

for now...

CUT TO:

13. EXT. MAD BRENDA?ORKSHOP - NIGHT

Brenda and Harvey stand on their front porch, in full Dominatrix/Slave uniform, watching the GLOWING AFTERMATH of the crash.

14. INT. AMISH CHURCH - SUNDAY MORNING

A solemn sermon is being delivered by Reverend "Jumpin' Jacob" Jimminy. (Solemn, that is, until the reverend gets on a roll...then he truly lives up to his name. But first, we build the scene...)

A barnful of black-clad, kneeling Amish people clutch Bibles and listen to Jumpin?cob.

The Rev. Jimminy continues his rant. We INTERCUT between the faces of the audience and Rev. Jimminy. His neck and head are RED, covered in SWEAT. His hair is DISHEVELED. Each time he jumps a bookmark comes flying out of his Bible.

15. EXT. NUDIST WASTELAND - SUNSET

Hundreds of nude bodies that were once at frolic are now still and lifeless...sort of.

The ALIEN GAS released when the ship crashed is reforming and regenerating their cells.

Slowly, they stir.

LESTER

Hey guys...where are you going? At night the women are supposed to toss onion rings around the men's phalluses.

JOEL

We're going to eat the Amish, Lester.

LESTER (pauses)

Hey wait...I?get cutlery. (to crowd) Anybody else wanna eat the Amish?

A chorus of nods and AD LIB sounds of approval ensues.

Appropriate music (such as Tom Petty?ersion of ?ething in the Air??tarts.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) A legion of zombified nudists wearing lobster bibs and holding knives and forks advances.

B.) They cross the mountain which separates them from the Amish. A red, setting sun is in the b.g.

C.) They knock over a sign which reads: "Beware All Ye Unholy. This Property is Protected by God"

D.) Dead ahead in their sights, the sleepy community is resting from a hard day of work.

CUT TO:

16. INT. ELISHA BOOKER HOME - EVENING

CU on a pair of BUNNY SLIPPERS. Pull back to reveal Elisha Booker, all ready for bed in his long nightgown and conical sleeping cap. Over his bed is taped a pin-up centerfold of a Betsy Ross-type Amish woman erotically churning butter. Several issues of a "nudie" Amish magazine called THE WANTON SHUNNED litter his nightstand.

Elisha kneels beside his bed and prays.

POV Elisha Booker:

The window curtain draws back and below, with the cross of the window panes like a blurred frame in front of us, we see

DOZENS OF ADVANCING NUDES

To one as horny as Elisha, they might appear seductive.

17. EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Elisha comes out to greet his "granted wish". He is still putting his second arm in the bathrobe as he emerges from his door. A big smile of expectation engulfs his face.

18. FIVE MINUTES LATER

The sounds of LIP-SMACKING and CHEWING overpower the crickets and the wind. We hear the CLINK of the cutlery being used, and see the BLOODY MOUTHS of the nudist zombies.

19. INT. CHURCH - MORNING

Here the whole community is obliged to gather for Reverend Jacob Jimminy's mass.

The congregation is shocked and astonished.

Finally, he is captured and subdued.

20. MAD BRENDA?ORCH - AFTERNOON

Mad Brenda and Harvey take Karlzak as prisoner and the Amish head back home. Already Karlzak?eird screaming can be heard as a line of Amish silhouettes cross back over to their side of the mountain.

CUT TO:

21. INT. NUDE ZOMBIE CAMP - SUNSET

As darkness falls the zombies stir.

We hear ominous music in the background.

As the zombies awaken, we see a

SERIES OF SHOTS

A.) A hand slaps down a buzzing alarm clock.

B.) A hungry zombie fries eggs.

C.) The coffee pot is turned on.

D.) A zombie takes a shower. He whistles as he scrubs.

Our model nude zombie couple, Joel & Janis, sit at the kitchen table.

22. INT. BOOKER HOME - NIGHT

Ahab and Ingrid Booker are having an argument before bed.

23. INT. MAD BRENDA'S HOME - NIGHT

The dominating of Commander Karlzak is going quite well. The alien now wears studded leather restraining gear. A pink ball is strapped to his mouth and his limbs are shackled to the wall.

One lash from this fearsome tool and Karlzak is blathering. His native tongue is in the background as the machine interprets:

24. EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT

Fully active now, the legion of nudist zombies advances upon the home of Mad Brenda Hoffle.

25. INT. MAD BRENDA'S DUNGEON

Oblivious to the outside turmoil, Mad Brenda and Harvey are polishing various steel instruments. Suddenly, a CRASH alerts them to intruders. They look up and see the floorboards creek and dust trickle down as many trampling feet head their way.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) Harvey conks one of the zombies with a leather-tassled mace.

B.) Joel charges but then stops to admire the craftsmanship in one of Mad Brenda?omemade instruments.

C.) Felix has found Mad Brenda's anal probe and he asks one of the other zombies to use it on him.

D.) The other zombies are utterly dismantled by Mad Brenda and her fantastic new weapon. She is beating them badly, her nine-pronged whip easily fending off all atackers.

26. EXT. AMISH COMMUNITY - NIGHT

As the peaceful little Amish village slumbers, the nude zombies advance. We see an overhead shot of them closing in, walking with slow and steady paces. One of the zombies scratches his ass.

CUT TO:

27. INT. AHAB BOOKER HOME

Ahab and Ingrid are fast asleep. Ahab snores like Shemp.

Suddenly a loud THUD jars them awake.

The zombies are advancing single-file up the long staircase.

Ahab approaches the top of the stairs. He can hear their breathing and footsteps. He crosses himself.

Janis is in the lead and she reaches the top. Ahab lifts the mirror to strike, and in that instant Janis gets a good look at her reflection. She is stunned by the degeneration of her face and halts.

Ahab rushes back to the bedroom to prepare for a hasty escape.

28. INT. AHAB BOOKER HOUSE

29. EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT

Ahab and Ingrid hurry toward the center of town. There is a GIANT BELL in the middle of the plaza. Ahab rings it repeatedly.

A light comes on in the bedroom of Reverend Jumpin' Jacob Jimminy.

The shutters open and Jacob peeks his head out.

BACK TO SCENE

30. EXT. ZOMBIE APPROACH

CUT TO:

31. INT. CHURCH - NIGHT

Reverend Jimminy is leading his congregation in a desperate prayer.

32. INT. MAD BRENDA'S DUNGEON

Mad Brenda and Harvey struggle against the expertly made bonds which Mad Brenda herself created.

33. INT. CHURCH

The faithful have stopped parying and are now looking for things to barricade the windows and doors.

34. EXT. CHURCH

The zombies are testing the barriers, trying to find a weak spot.

CUT TO:

35. INT. CHURCH

As the pews are being disrupted, Jacob Jimminy feels compelled to give a lecture.

CUT TO:

36. EXT. CHURCH

The nude zombies have formed a mosh pit around the church. Commander Karlzak holds Mad Brenda's translator like a megaphone. His accent is decidedly German.

Nude legs standing in front of the raised foundation of the church. In the deep background, still under the church, we follow Reverend Jimminy's furtive moves.

JACOB JIMMINY'S POV

Jacob watches the surrounding legs and moves to a far corner, where there is a short dash to the cover of trees. His hands are shaking as he crosses himself.

CUT TO:

37. INT. MAD BRENDA?UNGEON

Brenda and Harvey still struggle against their shackles.

She RIPS the shackles out of the wall and pulls them apart. She reclaims her nine-pronged whip with malicious intent.

CUT TO:

38. EXT. CHURCH

Jacob Jimminy DASHES out from under the church and into the cover of trees. One of the zombies spots him.

CUT TO:

39. EXT. MAD BRENDA'S HOUSE

We see a shot of the exterior stone wall, peaceful and serene in the moonlight...for a moment. A cricket chirps as

MAD BRENDA COMES CRASHING THROUGH THE WALL

She growls, sniffs the air, and runs off into the night.

CUT TO:

40. EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

Jacob Jimminy dashes through Nathanial Hawthornian woods, with the "hoofprints of Old Scratch" right behind him.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) Jimminy clutches his Bible and looks all around as he runs.

B.) Dirty nude legs are pursuing him.

C.) Jimminy?OV as he darts between the trees.

D.) Jimminy trips, falls, gets up, sees the zombie closing.

MATCH CUT:

Mad Brenda the Hulk howls with anger as she runs toward the Amish community.

CUT TO:

41. INT. CHURCH

The Amish look quite stressed as the zombie attack continues.

42. EXT. NUDIST COLONY - NIGHT

We see an overhead shot of the nudist compound. Aside from many shacks and small buildings, we also see an abandoned volleyball setup and the remnants of the alien spacecraft in the moonlight.

Jacob Jimminy breaks from the foliage and darts through a clearing. He runs into the largest building in the scene. Camera holds. A few seconds behind him, the zombie lumbers into the clearing.

CUT TO:

43. INT. NUDIST RESIDENCE

Jimminy pushes open the door and frantically begins searching through the room. He finds many things (rubbers, vaginal lubricant, sex toys, etc.) but no phone.

He throws down these toys of satan and moves down a darkened hall. From behind, he hears something shatter as the zombie enters.

Jimminy then makes the mistake of improvising.

CUT TO:

44. INT. CHURCH - NIGHT

The Amish are looking tired, beaten and fearful. They have exhausted their supply of nails and planks yet still the zombies attack. Very soon they will break through.

MAD BRENDA THE HULK BUSTS IN

The Amish and even the zombies pause.

Mad Brenda brandishes her nine-pronged whip and addresses the zombies.

Mad Brenda yells and chases after them, cracking her whip.

CUT TO:

45. EXT. AMISH COMMUNITY

We see the skimble-skamble zombie exodus from the church. Mad Brenda chases them into town square, lashing them randomly.

CUT TO:

46. EXT. WOODS

The Amish cannot return to their community. It is still quite unsafe. They are dismayed and gathered in the woods.

47. EXT. AMISH COMMUNITY

Mad Brenda the Hulk is running out of zombies to whip. Those she has injured are strewn on the ground, but many more are well hidden. We can almost see their eyes peering from behind dark windows.

Harvey enters the scene.

As a ploy, one of the zombies, Lester (Lieutenant Kanak) limps out of a house waving a white handkerchief.

CUT TO:

48. EXT. WOODS

The Amish are slowly walking.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) Amish leap over fallen logs.

B.) Zombies chase them and yell, "Come back, sausages!"

C.) To run faster, many Amish throw off their jackets as they run.

D.) Some zombies pick up the jackets and wear them.

CUT TO:

50. EXT. MAD BRENDA?OUSE

The Amish have made it to Mad Brenda?mpty dominatrix compound. They know the zombies are close behind (they can hear them) and dash inside, bolting the heavy door.

Beyond the foyer, the encounter a COMPUTERIZED command control and security center.

Ahab produces a monocle from his pocket and peers at the buttons.

51. EXT. MAD BRENDA?OUSE

The zombies gave grabbed an old log and begin to use it as a battering ram against the door...BOOM.

CUT TO:

52. INT. MAD BRENDA?OUSE

Another BOOM at the door. Dust dislodges.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) A blender in the kitchen turns on and a voice asks, "Another bloodmeal milkshake, Mistress?"

B.) Water jets in a Jacuzzi activate.

C.) Frank Sinatra music is piped through the rooms.

Meanwhile, another BOOM loosens the door?inges.

53. EXT. MAD BRENDA?OOF

Automated tiles retract and several ARMAMENTS rise. A megaphone attached to a machine gun emerges from the chimney. A pre-recorded message from Mad Brenda plays:

CUT TO:

54. EXT. COMPOUND GROUNDS

The zombies are taking heavy damage and begin to retreat...but Mad Brenda has a surprise for them.

Covered by a thin layer of dirt and leaves, a series of "boomerang plates" surround the compund. Once activated by weight upon them, a vast tension is released and they CATAPULT their unlucky victims high over the treetops.

The zombies make their comical exit. SFX fading screams as we SPFX bodies flung into the distance.

CUT TO:

54. INT. MAD BRENDA?ECURITY ROOM

The Amish watch a video monitor as the zombies are ejected.

55. EXT. FOREST - PRE-DAWN

The navy blue of the sky is just beginning to lighten as we follow the Amish through the forest.

56. EXT. NUDIST COLONY

The Amish emerge into the same clearing we saw Jacob Jimminy earlier run, except now there seems to be no threat. Aside from old footprints, there is no trace of zombies. The camp is peaceful and serene; although, in the background still, the crashed alien spacecraft serves as a reminder of earlier events.

They walk hand-in-hand over the grass. Everyone has cast off their jackets by now, and some are beginning to remove their shoes.

Ingrid stops, takes a deep breath of fresh morning air. Then, in decision, she begins unbuttoning her blouse.

A.) Jonathan Poober pulls off his pants.

B.) An interested squirrel watches them from a nearby branch.

C.) Old Mrs. Astor pulls her dress up over her head.

We see a happy, blissful scene of disrobing Amish in the meadow.

DISSOLVE TO:

57. EXT. AMISH COMMUNITY - DAWN

The sun is about to rise. The zombies that remain are beginning to transform back to human. Commander Karlzak is nowhere to be seen.

Lester walks into scene. He is also normal now, like the others.

From offstage we hear a young girl say, "Hey there's horses here!"

Everyone is pretty pleased with their new home.

CUT TO:

58. EXT. WOODS - MORNING

We hear FOOTFALLS. Someone is trudging through the forest. Camera tracks a pair of tattered black pants. We follow on steadicam.

Pull back slowly to reveal JACOB JIMMINY.

Worn and beaten from the attack, the plucky preacher has nonetheless survived. He now heads back toward the Amish community and "his flock".

59. EXT. AMISH CHURCH - MORNING

The nudists have cleaned up and repaired the damage to the outside. Thay all now are gathered inside the church.

Jacob Jimminy enters scene. He is proud and happy to see his people have overcome the wickedness. He reaches inside his jacket and produces a Bible.

CUT TO:

60. INT. CHURCH

As Jacob Jimminy enters his domain, he sees nothing amiss. Rows of black-clad men and prim and proper women await his words. He strides to the pulpit.

61. INT. NUDIST CAMP - DAY

The Amish are concluding a great feast in celebration of their transformation. The men, though nude, still wear their black hats, and their beards. The women, though nude, still retain their bonnets and their stockings. AD LIB conversation.

In the background, beyond a nearby window, we see the remains of the alien spacefcraft outside.

CUT TO:

62. EXT. ALIEN SPACECRAFT

Faint wisps of fumes still trail upward from the crippled ship. All is quiet for a moment, then a RUSTLING comes from the bushes.

Commander Karlzak emerges. He limps toward the ship.

INTERCUT:

Intercut between the Amish feast and Commander Karlzak inside the ship:

A.) Ahab helps himself to another slab of pie.

B.) Karlzak activates reserve power.

C.) Ingrid laughs and sips coffee.

D.) Karlzak presses buttons, starts a sequence.

E.) Jonathan Poober smiles as he drops his napkin on purpose and leans under the table to pick it up.

F.) Karlzak presses a final button, and more NOXIOUS GAS is released.

CUT TO:

63. EXT. NUDIST CAMP

SPFX the deadly zombie gas creeps toward the Amish.

64. INT. NUDIST CAMP

The feast has just concluded. The Amish are unaware of what approaches.

CUT TO:

65. EXT. AMISH COMMUNITY - SUNSET

Joel and Janis are admiring the sunset.

66. INT. AMISH HOUSE - EVENING

Lester and Felix are bunking together. They are saying their bedtime prayers...sort of.

67. INT. NUDIST CAMP - NIGHT

The Amish zombies are beginning to stir.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

A.) A hand groggily reaches around for a black hat. B.) Someone mumbles, "I want breakfast."

C.) Ahab Booker rises. He awakens Ingrid.

68. EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

The Amish zombies groggily stagger toward their former community. They are wearing a little more clothing now. Men have loose, unbuttoned shirts and women have black skirts, no tops.

Ahead, in the distance, we see the silhouette of the Amish Community against the moon.

69. INT. AMISH HOUSE #1

Joel and Janis sleep soundly together.

70. INT. AMISH HOUSE #2

Lester and Felix sleep soundly together. Felix snores like Shemp.

71. INT. AMISH HOUSE #3

Jacob Jimminy cannot sleep. He is up, burping hideously.

We follow him from his bedroom down to his kitchen, where he begins to prepare some warm milk for his indigestion. Just then, he looks up and sees through his kitchen window the Amish zombies.

He drops the pan of milk and burps.

72. EXT. JACOB JIMMINY HOUSE

We have an Amish zombie?OV for a moment as Jacob Jimminy emerges from his home and walks up to his former flock.

73. INT. ALIEN SPACECRAFT - NIGHT

Commander Karlzak has never piloted a ship all by himself before-- never mind a crippled ship. He uses some weird TOOL to tinker with the electronics.

74. EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

The Amish zombies and the reformed nudists have joined forces to form a huge LYNCH MOB. They stride through the forest, quickly approaching the site of the downed spacecraft.

Ahab has a couple of questions as they walk.

CUT TO:

75. INT. SPACECRAFT

Commander Karlzak is advancing in his repair of the ship when he is suddenly warned by the sensors:

Commander Karlzak tries to release more zombie gas.

He pauses only briefly, then reaches inside a glove compartment-like stroage area and produces a GUN.

CUT TO:

76. EXT. SPACECRAFT

More people are striking the ship. Joel calls Ahab over to one spot.

We intercut between Commander Karlzak inside and the lynch mob outside:

A.) More people come to the door of the spacecraft.

B.) Commander Karlzak regards the gun.

C.) Sticks are wedged into the sides of the door.

D.) Commander Karlzak raises the gun.

E.) Force is exerted and the door begins to yield.

F.) Commander Karlzak, about to fire, says in his native tongue:

The Amish and the reformed nudists are splattered with Karlzak?green, gooey blood. It has a strange effect on the zombie gas, and returns the Amish to relative normality.

A WARNING ALARM SOUNDS AS THE HATCH CLOSES.

CUT TO:

77. EXT. SPACECRAFT - DAWN

We see the rumbling take-off of the alien craft. It lifts away slowly at first, then gains tremendous speed and whizzes out of sight.

CUT TO:

78. INT. SPACECRAFT

Everyone is pretty scared. They have no way to stop what is happening.

79. EXT. EARTH'S MESOSPHERE

SPFX as we follow the ship?peedy departure. It's propulsion system sounds faintly like a Jetsons craft.

DISSOLVE TO:

80. INT. SPACECRAFT

A small amount of time has passed now and the people watch through a lone porthole as the craft traverses deep space. The stars are lonely pinpoints which move past like distant trees along a highway.

81. INT. SHIP'S CABIN

Ahab is away from the others, exploring. He locates a TRUNK and opens it. Many strange items are inside.

SPFX A HUGE PURPLE PLANET grows closer.